Love

I wrote this long ago but it is something I still think holds true...

Soft petals of a blooming rose

Sun's gentle rays a kiss of warmth

I love you

The kiss of a first snowflake 

The silent blanket of winter white

I love you

A tear that falls from heaven's above

A cascading waterfall cleansing the earth

I love you

Live to death

Death to Life

I love you

Joy with pain

Pain for joy

I love you

A caress

A look

A touch

I love you

A sigh

A smile

A kiss

I love you

Fights bleed to tears

tears evolve into laughter

I love you

Youth turns with age

Age gives us wisdom

Wisdom allows us memories

and still I love you.

O'child of Mine

O'child of mine

leave this reality behind

for you will truly live

in the land of hope & dreams

where magic fills the air

and true love is all it seems

where you are a girl

turned princess true

enchantress beauty to behold

in yon dimming light

your prince rides forth

both knight and prince

for he shall be 

one to slay your dragons 

and hold your heart true

in him you will find 

magic and imagination set free

grey skies become blue

dying roses rise anew

a dirty puddle turns ocean clear

and your heart joined with his 

under a fae moon with fairies blessing near.

Fear

Fear has endless Faces

Fear of Death for this is unknown

Fear of Sleep for this leads to death

Fear of Living for then you would have to take chances

Fear of People for who can you trust and who is honest

But the most frightening Fear is the Fear of Love

To Fear love is not to know love

To know a lovers touch

to know a parent's voice

to feal a friend's touch

to wipe a child's tears

to sing away their fears.  

to feel is to love.  To love is to live.  

To live is to accept your fear.. 

Fear.. the thing humans can not accept.

The Storm

Within these walls a storm brews

a child shivers

arms wrapped around

the storm surrounds

a pull of a blanket

protection

back and forth

back and forth

rocking

a rolling crash 

the walls tremble

hug the pillow tighter

light creeps beneath the door

monsters climb the child's walls

the thunder grows

the storm is endless

the monsters move closer

the child huddles

hiding beneath the pillow

clench eyes shut

the thunder erupts 

a lone tear escapes

followed by a rain of many

the wind screams

the child whimpers

silence

the storm has passed for another night

peace

the child sleeps

Me

I stand in my apartment. Its silence a welcome. I look around. Its mine. I did this. On my own. The astonishment and the feeling of joy at this accomplishment overwhelms me. No one believed I could do it. That I had the strength or will to accomplish this. But I did. I succeeded. I won. I sit and think on the past year and all that has taken place. A feeling of peace settles upon me as I listen to the words pouring from the speakers of my computer. These words, when i had first heard them, had struck a chord. Deep inside me. They struck true...

I guess you could say I'm one of those girls
That's always been with one of those guys
You know the type Like right now, he sleeps while I write
But it's better than crying I'm worn out from trying
From loving a man who always makes it clear
I'm not welcome here
Just till he's horny and hungry or needs something cleaned
And you know what I mean
But not tonight
'Cause come the morning light,
oh I'm gonna love myself more than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can't see
The stronger woman in me
I'm going to be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
Won't lose myself again, never, no,
'Cause there's a stronger woman, A stronger woman in me
Light bulbs buzz, I get up
And head to my drawer
I wish there was more I could say
Another fairytale fades to gray
I've lived on hope Just like a child
Walking that mile Faking that smile
All the while Wishing my heart had wings
Well tonight, I'm going to be The kind of woman I'd want my daughter to be,
oh I'm gonna love myself more than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can't see
There's a stronger woman in me
I'm gonna be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
I won't lose myself again, never, no
'Cause there's a stronger woman, A stronger woman
This is me, packing up my bags
And this is me, headed for the door
And this is me, the best you ever had
I'm going to love myself More than anyone else
Believe in me even if someone cannot see
There's a stronger woman in me
I'm going to be my own best friend
Stay with me till the end
Won't lose myself again, never, no
'Cause there's a stronger woman A stronger woman There's a stronger woman, A stronger woman in me,

Dream of Me

Let me sleep
For when I sleep I dream that you're here
You're mine and all my fears dissipate into the wind
I float upon the night's wind
 the nightingale sings it's gentle lullaby
let me close my eyes
And sleep, a chance to dream
That I might see the face I long to touch, to kiss
But only dreams can bring me this
let the moon shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when dreams come those dream of will be of me

I hide beneath the clouds
and whisper to the evening stars
They tell me love is just a dream away, dream away
A dream away

So let the moon shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams he'll dream of me
Oh dream of me

Little Girl Lost Part 4

The pain just never seemed to stop. Never seemed to go away. The little girl now grown. 35 years of pain. She hid in her room at the motel her father ran. She didnt want to leave the room. She would sit in the tub and cry. Lay on the floor and cry. Lay in bed and cry. Curl up in a corner and cry. Her husband would call from NY and she would try to talk to him and he would say you made your choices and hang up on her. The man who said he loved her was no longer there. When? Where? How? Why? Why couldnt she be enough? What would it take to be pretty enough. To be good enough. To be smart enough. To be talented enough. Why couldnt she just be enough for just one person to love and want. For one person to stay. She didnt understand how he could have done this after all he had said to her. It didnt make sense. She felt very confused and tired. She tried to talk to him but all he would tell her is that she wouldnt be able to fit into his life. Eventually she picked herself back up and dried her tears. Closed her heart once again and faced the world. She still didnt understand, but it didnt mean she was done living. It was time to start learning to live on her own. Maybe that was it. Maybe all she had was herself. Maybe there was only her. Maybe when people saw her they saw the damaged goods. If this was the case then maybe she was meant to be alone. For who can love someone who was like her.

She set out and got her very first apartment proud and scared to be on her own. She was also back online. She was amazed. People were actually happy to see her back amoungst them. They missed her? She was leery of this. She still spent countless hours on the phone with her friend Tsianni who helped her try to focus to get over her hurt. She was scared. Then when she was ready to face the world once more it crashed again. A friend came up to her and said to her that she must speak to her in the name of friendship. She needed to be honest with her and tell her something. She told her how she had slept with her boyfriend and how she had done it because he was sad and lonely. How she felt bad for him and wanted to take his sadness away. She said how she still cared about her but she just wanted to make him feel better and that the young woman wasnt there to ease his pain. She ended it with hoping that she would understand and forgive her. The young woman was shell shocked. She didnt know what to think. Then to make matters worse one by one her friends came forward with the truth. Each of them had done the same. The truth dawned on her. It wasnt that she couldnt fit into his life. It was once again like with her husband she just wasnt good enough all around. She felt hurt and depressed. She ran away to her friend Tsianni's, who took her in. Slowly she picked up her life again and got back out in the world. Some of her friends she forgave and in fact became closer to. Others she withdrew from and could not bring herself to go near. Him... Him she couldnt bear the thought of.

The circle of life turned and life began once again for her. She began to laugh once more and to smile. Her friends drew her out and made her remember how to enjoy life. But through all this she was still afraid. Afraid she would fail again. Then one day it happened. She met someone. He had a sparkle about him. A twinkle in his eye. He made her want to grab him and hold on tight. She was desperate to try and afraid that if she did she would fail. She tried to warn him away. She told him she would fail him. Why not she always had before. From the very begining she had failed everyone hadnt she? She wanted that sparkle so badly. He refused to leave. She was afraid to hope. Afraid to believe. What if she did and he did walk away? What then? Every time he looked at her she felt butterflies. Every time he touched her she felt like she was on fire. Her skin electrified. Every time he spoke her heart speed up. She had never felt this before and it scared the hell out of her. She knew that if she didnt behave if she didnt give if she didnt do all that he asked he would leave. So she began to do as she did before. She behaved as she had all her life. In all her countless situations. Hoping that he would see how she felt and understand. Was this finally it? She knew that what she felt was like nothing she felt before. It was scary the idea of loosing it. She didnt understand it. She knew that when she closed her eyes she saw him and when she woke she couldnt wait to hear his voice. She also knew it was only time till he knew. Till he woke up one day and saw the truth. She would fail and in fact she did.