When the assignment came across my desk I had been busily admiring my recent purchases from the Vintage Fair 2012, namely a very shapely pair of N-Core stilettos and a lovely dress in midnight blue from Molichino. Glancing up to see my Editor and Co-Owner of SL Fierce standing before me, I noticed she seemed rather excited. Not to say Sessie isn’t normally excitable but in the most enjoyable of ways. With a sigh I let the items fall to the floor and swing my feet down to listen in rapid attention as i pick up the papers she place upon my desk. Hmm now this does sound fascinating.. An interview with the newly crowned Miss Chop Zuey Girl Summer, Selina Graycloud. A rather avid fan of Chop Zuey myself I quickly type into my notebook to bring up the Flickr site that shows me the photos of Ms. Graycloud wearing the lovely Panda Choker and the Shaman Set. Interesting and intriguing pieces. I find myself fascinated and looking forward to the interview as I begin to prepare for the upcoming interview.
Confident I have all the information and preparation I will need I notice the time. Gathering my pens and notebag, I quickly shove them into my Lelutka Sak and head out to meet with Selina. Upon arrival at her home I notice a very relaxed atmosphere. Casual elegance meets rustic Adirondacks. Quite enchanting to say the least. Reaching into my bag I retrieve my notebook and a pen before turning to face my query. I relax some see how comfortable she is and flip open the notebook to begin the interview. With a warm smile I ask her “Tell me please in your own words why you chose the collections you did for the Chop Zuey Girl Competition.”
Selina became quite animated as she began to speak of the first piece, The Panda Choker. “ For the "Got Milk" Choker, I fell in love with the detail.” she explained. I nodded in agreement for I know this piece well having admired it myself quite frequently. “ahh yes the Panda set from the Chop Zuey Animal Collection. A truly detailed piece of work I agree.” She nodded enthusiastically before continuing with a rush of excitement “Every piece of this jewelry was breathtaking, I must have stared at it for a long time, wondering how to best display it in a photograph.” I found myself listening to her with intrigue. She was a ball of energy who became animated when speaking of something she was so passionate about. Crossing my legs as I scribbled several notes down I looked up to ask “oh and what did you decide in the end if I may ask?” Her smile grew wider if that is possible as she seemed to lose herself in the memory “ I had a lot of fun with this piece actually, the Panda is animated and so adorable.” I nodded in agreement “Oh my truly inspiring and imaginative.. it sounds like a lot of love and ingenuity went into the creativity of the photograph.”
Selina paused to gather herself, taking a sip of her drink before continuing with a smile that lead me to believe her next words were of some import to her. “now with the next piece”. I finish quickly making my notes about the Panda Photo as I respond. "i was just about to say with such a stunning piece of work as your first piece how can you hope to top that." A small impish giggle escaped Selina as she smiles with delight at my words. “Now with the next set, the Shaman Royalty set, I wanted a stronger more spiritual look for it.” With this I raise my brows slightly in surprise. This is definitely something different. “Ahh so you tradition and spirituality combined in order to show strength in a woman.. it is shown throughout history that women were in fact in places of religious leadership long before christianity in many cultures so a very fascinating piece and direction you chose to take.” I explain understanding such a concept myself. I see her leaning forward as she nods vigorously in agreement “Absolutely! My mind was racing for hours as how to best portray such a wonderful set.” Her words and demeanor tell as much a story for this piece as does the selection itself so I can not help but ask “It sounds to me, please tell me if i am wrong, but that this set may have more personal meaning to you.” She claps her hands in response “Exactly! each set in Chop Zuey is fierce and beautiful but the message and the collection truly it "home" with me.”
I find myself smiling and laughing with this charming vivacious young woman before me. “So we have spoken of the two sets which it sounds truly stunning what you have done and the judges must have agreed with me as you are our new Miss Chop Zuey Girl. Tell me, What does winning the chop zuey girl competition mean for you personally and professionally?” I ask her as I lean back tapping my pen to the notebook giving her my complete attention. I watch as though the excitement is still there in the fiber of her body she seems to visibly relax more as she responds. “It is a great honor to be chosen, I am still blown away even to this day. Stumbling over my words even now when I see those words.” I can see or perhaps a better distinction is to say I can feel the impact of these words as she says them for it truly shows how much this means to her. “Well you wear the title with grace and ease...” I compliment her with a genuine warmth to which she replied with a smile “Not only am I happy with winning the title, I am blown away by the family I have gained. Every member of the group is supportive and wonderful, I cannot stress enough what an honor this is. Professionally I hope represent Chop Zuey with uniqueness, quality, style and class.” I tilt my head as i observe her “ I think you have already accomplished that. We look forward to seeing more from you in the coming year then as Miss Chop Zuey Girl *smiles widely* now to switch gears a bit.”
I watch as she perks up a bit. I can see she wonders what I mean by my last sentence. I pull forth my sheaf of papers from within my notebook in which I have several notes scribbles upon “I see you are Co-Owner of of the new House of Genevrio & Photography. Please tell us a bit more about this.” I look up and listen raptly as she begins to explain “House of Genevrio is still in the woodworks so to speak, we are designing various clothing and accessories as well as working hard on photography. My sister Kimmy Inkpen is working hard teaching me the how to's on all of it , giggles, so glad she has patience. We want our styles to be "outside the box" and she has already created some awesome dresses so far.” I can almost feel my fingers wanting to grip these future styles within my greedy fingers. That compulsion causing me to grip my pen a bit tighter as she describes the styles she hopes HoG will produce. “It sounds like the fashion world has something to look forward to!”
With that I found myself wondering who is Selina Graychild. What makes her happy and enchants her. We as Models, Designers, Stylists and Bloggers are often always on the go but each of us has a way we go off to enjoy our relaxing time. A way to destress so to speak. So what is it that Selina does for fun. This was the question I posed to her. “ I am a huge fan of adventure and photography. I love jumping from Sim to Sim choosing mostly from Editors pictures and just having a blast. Especially the Mystery Sims, when I am not exploring, then I am dancing or creating. I just love this Virtual World and the people in it are simply amazing!!!” she explained with that build up of excitement showering her voice once more. Always being one who can not wait to find someplace new to explore I asked “Tell us about some of the sims you have explored.” to which Selina replied enthusiastically “There was a sim (not sure if it is still there) Called Anna's Many Murder Mysteries. That was a ton of fun, it was a story and you went to each detailed location for each part of it. I love love love the Artwork in SL as well, so I do often go to many sims that display fantastic Artwork (3D style especially), huge fan of hunts...love love love that...the Twisted Hunt and Runway hunt to name a few were fantastic...I cannot get enough of the rides here, so if there is an Air Balloon or train or something like that, I am there. Cannot get enough of Charity events either, I am so moved by how everyone gets together and helps those in Real Life. Truly wonderful.” I found myself enjoying the descriptiveness of her words and memory. I could see the rides she described as if I was waiting in line to get on one.
I decided to approach her modeling career. Myself being a model, I still find it fascinating and intriguing to hear about the journey of others for never is one journey quite the same. How we get to the point we do and where we go from here is always unique as much as we as individuals are unique. Our styles shining for to reflect our personalities and beliefs. “Lets talk now about you and modeling shall we? Tell us a bit about your journey so far as a model within Second Life.” I paused in my writing to listen to her story. “It has been a truly wonderful experience so far, I learn more and more each day and meet amazing people. I have so many to thank for helping me get to where I am today and those that will help me in the future.” I reply “Yes a model's journey is long and hard. having a good and solid support team to encourage you is a must in this business.” encouraging her to continue her thought. “I get choked up a bit when I think about how far I have come and you're right it is a long.”
“It sounds like you have a wonderful future ahead of you in modeling and fashion. As we are speaking of the future that brings up two topics... What do you see for the future for Fashion and Modeling in Second Life.” I found myself next asking as I listen to her talk about her journey. “Very good question, I believe that it will get bigger and stronger. The ideas even now are beyond amazing, the designers, models, instructors, owners etc are on the verge of something truly remarkable! I cannot see a Second Life without the Fashion and Modeling World. I just love being a part of it” I laugh at her obvious enthusiasm. I smile as I ask the second part of my question“What can the Fashion World expect to see in the future from Selina Graycloud.” to which I receive an answer smile and reply “Well with the training and practice I hope to bring an edge to my modeling career, pulling myself out of the norm and adding that spark that is deep within me. After all, those who have trained me and mentor me expect nothing less and I wish to honor them.”
I look at my notebook full of notes and I ask “What would you say is the most important thing a model in the fashion world needs to know.” I find myself curious as to what this young woman will answer with. “Patience is probably one of the most things they should know above the many important things.”
I honestly couldn’t agree more. Patience is definitely needed in this cutthroat business we participate in. “We see many competitions take place within the modeling world of Second Life. Do you think competition takes away or adds to your life as a model.” I ask her this question because i feel it one that ever model faces. A more personal challenge or hurdle depending on how you wish to examine it. Selina rises to the occasion with the grace and wit she has shown throughout the interview to respond “There are many times in this field where you will find that not many doors wish to open, one must learn from this and continue on. Definitely adds (in a way) to your career, many are not into this and choose other ways and that is perfectly fine as well. I use the competitions as way of perfecting myself, in styling or whichever.” I found myself understanding more why she felt such a connection to the Shaman Set by Chop Zuey as she speaks. “ That is truly an inspirational way of looking at the world of competition within Second Life. A lesson of value the readers are sure to gain from.” I explain before continuing.
“If you could name your top five favorite designers that you can not do without in your inventory who would they be and what about them makes them stand out for you?” I ask her. It’s always fun to have a peek in a model’s closet and even more fun to know who it is she favors above all others and why. I feel my lips lift with impish delight as i observe her mulling this question over in her head. I can almost see her ticking through her closet and the designer treasures to be found within. She laughs while replying “Not a problem for there really are many I love. But, for the five I would have to say Chop Zuey: Unbelievable head turning pieces one cannot live without, EGOISME: His attire and skins are truly wonderful, EVOLVE's breathtaking outfits are a must. So hard to choose just five. Loovus Dzevavor unique hairstyles and Zanze's exquisite dresses.” I make personal notes in my head though I can not in fact disagree with anything she said to describe the above designers. Truly refined and leading Haute Couture Designers in every aspect. “all excellent choices each and every one of them..” I exclaim.
I lean forward just a bit in an almost confidential manner “And last but not least.. many new and fresh young models enter the fashion world every day. What advice would you give these young men and women to help them on their path in order to navigate the world of fashion and modeling in Second Life.” My pen poised to write I listen as she gives voice to her own advice.. A well learned lesson in Second Life. “ Never give up on your goals, there is always room for knowledge, practice makes perfect (even in lag), Mentors are a must have and never be afraid to ask questions.” Writing these words of wisdom down I ask her “Is there anything else you would like to add?” I wait for her respond with almost baited breath for this young woman has kept me enchanted with her intelligence and inner spiritualism for the better part of an hour. “Absolutely. I wish to say once again thank you to everyone who helped me get this far. For those who stuck by no matter what, for those I have met and have transformed me along the way. The list of names would fill a huge book, but I cannot thank you all enough. This was truly an honor Brittainy. I must say I am still pinching myself right now as we do this interview.”
I find myself standing as the interview comes to a close. “Let me thank you Selina for such a delightful chance to get to know you and this opportunity to sit down with you. Our readers will have the chance to get to know on a more intimate detail the beautiful face that is now the Miss Chop Zuey Girl of Summer and see that she is truly someone unique and creative.” Selina Graycloud, Miss Chop Zuey 2012 simply blushed and gave me a soft thank you as she bid me adieu. And that readers is my delightful evening with an enchanting pixie who is determined to take the fashion world by storm. After an hour with her, I can tell you as I sit here typing away these words, she is a fiercely independent and strong young woman with a graceful set of style and beauty. Look to the future for you shall see Selina Graycloud upon the runway and in the stores with her fashions from House of Genevrio Styles.
Brittainy Collins
SL Fierce Writer
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Friday, September 14, 2012
Chaos
Standing on this edge..
looking over the swirling grey mist
how do i find the way
how do i shut the voices
so much noise
always feeling like i need to run..
get away and hide..
never knowing which way to turn..
Can you feel me shaking...
Can you hear me screaming?
where is a simple hand to hold me up...
who will help me to guide me through
always lost... waiting to be found.
Everyone around me yet still so alone..
who can hear me...
Chaos my constant companion...
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Gaea
Mother Earth enshroud me..
take me into your arms and protect me..
Love your daughter and give her strength
let the kiss of your tears wash away her fears
the breath of your wind whisper call to her soul
I remember you..
I return to you...
When no one was there you were...
Mother Earth you remembered
Your grace and beauty bestow upon your daughter
I grow once more in your light.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Love
I wrote this long ago but it is something I still think holds true...
Soft petals of a blooming rose
Sun's gentle rays a kiss of warmth
I love you
The kiss of a first snowflake
The silent blanket of winter white
I love you
A tear that falls from heaven's above
A cascading waterfall cleansing the earth
I love you
Live to death
Death to Life
I love you
Joy with pain
Pain for joy
I love you
A caress
A look
A touch
I love you
A sigh
A smile
A kiss
I love you
Fights bleed to tears
tears evolve into laughter
I love you
Youth turns with age
Age gives us wisdom
Wisdom allows us memories
and still I love you.
O'child of Mine
O'child of mine
leave this reality behind
for you will truly live
in the land of hope & dreams
where magic fills the air
and true love is all it seems
where you are a girl
turned princess true
enchantress beauty to behold
in yon dimming light
your prince rides forth
both knight and prince
for he shall be
one to slay your dragons
and hold your heart true
in him you will find
magic and imagination set free
grey skies become blue
dying roses rise anew
a dirty puddle turns ocean clear
and your heart joined with his
under a fae moon with fairies blessing near.
Fear
Fear has endless Faces
Fear of Death for this is unknown
Fear of Sleep for this leads to death
Fear of Living for then you would have to take chances
Fear of People for who can you trust and who is honest
But the most frightening Fear is the Fear of Love
To Fear love is not to know love
To know a lovers touch
to know a parent's voice
to feal a friend's touch
to wipe a child's tears
to sing away their fears.
to feel is to love. To love is to live.
To live is to accept your fear..
Fear.. the thing humans can not accept.
The Storm
Within these walls a storm brews
a child shivers
arms wrapped around
the storm surrounds
a pull of a blanket
protection
back and forth
back and forth
rocking
a rolling crash
the walls tremble
hug the pillow tighter
light creeps beneath the door
monsters climb the child's walls
the thunder grows
the storm is endless
the monsters move closer
the child huddles
hiding beneath the pillow
clench eyes shut
the thunder erupts
a lone tear escapes
followed by a rain of many
the wind screams
the child whimpers
silence
the storm has passed for another night
peace
the child sleeps
Monday, September 3, 2012
Me
I stand in my apartment. Its silence a welcome. I look around. Its mine. I did this. On my own. The astonishment and the feeling of joy at this accomplishment overwhelms me. No one believed I could do it. That I had the strength or will to accomplish this. But I did. I succeeded. I won. I sit and think on the past year and all that has taken place. A feeling of peace settles upon me as I listen to the words pouring from the speakers of my computer. These words, when i had first heard them, had struck a chord. Deep inside me. They struck true...
I guess you could say I'm one of those girls
That's always been with one of those guys
You know the type Like right now, he sleeps while I write
But it's better than crying I'm worn out from trying
From loving a man who always makes it clear
I'm not welcome here
Just till he's horny and hungry or needs something cleaned
And you know what I mean
But not tonight
'Cause come the morning light,
oh I'm gonna love myself more than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can't see
The stronger woman in me
I'm going to be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
Won't lose myself again, never, no,
'Cause there's a stronger woman, A stronger woman in me
Light bulbs buzz, I get up
And head to my drawer
I wish there was more I could say
Another fairytale fades to gray
I've lived on hope Just like a child
Walking that mile Faking that smile
All the while Wishing my heart had wings
Well tonight, I'm going to be The kind of woman I'd want my daughter to be,
oh I'm gonna love myself more than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can't see
There's a stronger woman in me
I'm gonna be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
I won't lose myself again, never, no
'Cause there's a stronger woman, A stronger woman
This is me, packing up my bags
And this is me, headed for the door
And this is me, the best you ever had
I'm going to love myself More than anyone else
Believe in me even if someone cannot see
There's a stronger woman in me
I'm going to be my own best friend
Stay with me till the end
Won't lose myself again, never, no
'Cause there's a stronger woman A stronger woman There's a stronger woman, A stronger woman in me,
I guess you could say I'm one of those girls
That's always been with one of those guys
You know the type Like right now, he sleeps while I write
But it's better than crying I'm worn out from trying
From loving a man who always makes it clear
I'm not welcome here
Just till he's horny and hungry or needs something cleaned
And you know what I mean
But not tonight
'Cause come the morning light,
oh I'm gonna love myself more than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can't see
The stronger woman in me
I'm going to be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
Won't lose myself again, never, no,
'Cause there's a stronger woman, A stronger woman in me
Light bulbs buzz, I get up
And head to my drawer
I wish there was more I could say
Another fairytale fades to gray
I've lived on hope Just like a child
Walking that mile Faking that smile
All the while Wishing my heart had wings
Well tonight, I'm going to be The kind of woman I'd want my daughter to be,
oh I'm gonna love myself more than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can't see
There's a stronger woman in me
I'm gonna be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
I won't lose myself again, never, no
'Cause there's a stronger woman, A stronger woman
This is me, packing up my bags
And this is me, headed for the door
And this is me, the best you ever had
I'm going to love myself More than anyone else
Believe in me even if someone cannot see
There's a stronger woman in me
I'm going to be my own best friend
Stay with me till the end
Won't lose myself again, never, no
'Cause there's a stronger woman A stronger woman There's a stronger woman, A stronger woman in me,
Dream of Me
Let me sleep
For when I sleep I dream that you're here
You're mine and all my fears dissipate into the wind
I float upon the night's wind
the nightingale sings it's gentle lullaby
let me close my eyes
And sleep, a chance to dream
That I might see the face I long to touch, to kiss
But only dreams can bring me this
let the moon shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when dreams come those dream of will be of me
I hide beneath the clouds
and whisper to the evening stars
They tell me love is just a dream away, dream away
A dream away
So let the moon shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams he'll dream of me
Oh dream of me
For when I sleep I dream that you're here
You're mine and all my fears dissipate into the wind
I float upon the night's wind
the nightingale sings it's gentle lullaby
let me close my eyes
And sleep, a chance to dream
That I might see the face I long to touch, to kiss
But only dreams can bring me this
let the moon shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when dreams come those dream of will be of me
I hide beneath the clouds
and whisper to the evening stars
They tell me love is just a dream away, dream away
A dream away
So let the moon shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams he'll dream of me
Oh dream of me
Little Girl Lost Part 4
The pain just never seemed to stop. Never seemed to go away. The little girl now grown. 35 years of pain. She hid in her room at the motel her father ran. She didnt want to leave the room. She would sit in the tub and cry. Lay on the floor and cry. Lay in bed and cry. Curl up in a corner and cry. Her husband would call from NY and she would try to talk to him and he would say you made your choices and hang up on her. The man who said he loved her was no longer there. When? Where? How? Why? Why couldnt she be enough? What would it take to be pretty enough. To be good enough. To be smart enough. To be talented enough. Why couldnt she just be enough for just one person to love and want. For one person to stay. She didnt understand how he could have done this after all he had said to her. It didnt make sense. She felt very confused and tired. She tried to talk to him but all he would tell her is that she wouldnt be able to fit into his life. Eventually she picked herself back up and dried her tears. Closed her heart once again and faced the world. She still didnt understand, but it didnt mean she was done living. It was time to start learning to live on her own. Maybe that was it. Maybe all she had was herself. Maybe there was only her. Maybe when people saw her they saw the damaged goods. If this was the case then maybe she was meant to be alone. For who can love someone who was like her.
She set out and got her very first apartment proud and scared to be on her own. She was also back online. She was amazed. People were actually happy to see her back amoungst them. They missed her? She was leery of this. She still spent countless hours on the phone with her friend Tsianni who helped her try to focus to get over her hurt. She was scared. Then when she was ready to face the world once more it crashed again. A friend came up to her and said to her that she must speak to her in the name of friendship. She needed to be honest with her and tell her something. She told her how she had slept with her boyfriend and how she had done it because he was sad and lonely. How she felt bad for him and wanted to take his sadness away. She said how she still cared about her but she just wanted to make him feel better and that the young woman wasnt there to ease his pain. She ended it with hoping that she would understand and forgive her. The young woman was shell shocked. She didnt know what to think. Then to make matters worse one by one her friends came forward with the truth. Each of them had done the same. The truth dawned on her. It wasnt that she couldnt fit into his life. It was once again like with her husband she just wasnt good enough all around. She felt hurt and depressed. She ran away to her friend Tsianni's, who took her in. Slowly she picked up her life again and got back out in the world. Some of her friends she forgave and in fact became closer to. Others she withdrew from and could not bring herself to go near. Him... Him she couldnt bear the thought of.
The circle of life turned and life began once again for her. She began to laugh once more and to smile. Her friends drew her out and made her remember how to enjoy life. But through all this she was still afraid. Afraid she would fail again. Then one day it happened. She met someone. He had a sparkle about him. A twinkle in his eye. He made her want to grab him and hold on tight. She was desperate to try and afraid that if she did she would fail. She tried to warn him away. She told him she would fail him. Why not she always had before. From the very begining she had failed everyone hadnt she? She wanted that sparkle so badly. He refused to leave. She was afraid to hope. Afraid to believe. What if she did and he did walk away? What then? Every time he looked at her she felt butterflies. Every time he touched her she felt like she was on fire. Her skin electrified. Every time he spoke her heart speed up. She had never felt this before and it scared the hell out of her. She knew that if she didnt behave if she didnt give if she didnt do all that he asked he would leave. So she began to do as she did before. She behaved as she had all her life. In all her countless situations. Hoping that he would see how she felt and understand. Was this finally it? She knew that what she felt was like nothing she felt before. It was scary the idea of loosing it. She didnt understand it. She knew that when she closed her eyes she saw him and when she woke she couldnt wait to hear his voice. She also knew it was only time till he knew. Till he woke up one day and saw the truth. She would fail and in fact she did.
She set out and got her very first apartment proud and scared to be on her own. She was also back online. She was amazed. People were actually happy to see her back amoungst them. They missed her? She was leery of this. She still spent countless hours on the phone with her friend Tsianni who helped her try to focus to get over her hurt. She was scared. Then when she was ready to face the world once more it crashed again. A friend came up to her and said to her that she must speak to her in the name of friendship. She needed to be honest with her and tell her something. She told her how she had slept with her boyfriend and how she had done it because he was sad and lonely. How she felt bad for him and wanted to take his sadness away. She said how she still cared about her but she just wanted to make him feel better and that the young woman wasnt there to ease his pain. She ended it with hoping that she would understand and forgive her. The young woman was shell shocked. She didnt know what to think. Then to make matters worse one by one her friends came forward with the truth. Each of them had done the same. The truth dawned on her. It wasnt that she couldnt fit into his life. It was once again like with her husband she just wasnt good enough all around. She felt hurt and depressed. She ran away to her friend Tsianni's, who took her in. Slowly she picked up her life again and got back out in the world. Some of her friends she forgave and in fact became closer to. Others she withdrew from and could not bring herself to go near. Him... Him she couldnt bear the thought of.
The circle of life turned and life began once again for her. She began to laugh once more and to smile. Her friends drew her out and made her remember how to enjoy life. But through all this she was still afraid. Afraid she would fail again. Then one day it happened. She met someone. He had a sparkle about him. A twinkle in his eye. He made her want to grab him and hold on tight. She was desperate to try and afraid that if she did she would fail. She tried to warn him away. She told him she would fail him. Why not she always had before. From the very begining she had failed everyone hadnt she? She wanted that sparkle so badly. He refused to leave. She was afraid to hope. Afraid to believe. What if she did and he did walk away? What then? Every time he looked at her she felt butterflies. Every time he touched her she felt like she was on fire. Her skin electrified. Every time he spoke her heart speed up. She had never felt this before and it scared the hell out of her. She knew that if she didnt behave if she didnt give if she didnt do all that he asked he would leave. So she began to do as she did before. She behaved as she had all her life. In all her countless situations. Hoping that he would see how she felt and understand. Was this finally it? She knew that what she felt was like nothing she felt before. It was scary the idea of loosing it. She didnt understand it. She knew that when she closed her eyes she saw him and when she woke she couldnt wait to hear his voice. She also knew it was only time till he knew. Till he woke up one day and saw the truth. She would fail and in fact she did.
Little Girl Lost Part 3
The next several years were to be the same. One home after another. It all started with leaving Mr. and Mrs. P. She didnt blame them. She was the one who was bad. She was the one who left shaun behind. She let them down. How could they not not want her. The new home was Mrs. and Mr. Smith. This was a home for teenagers. by this time the young girl was now in junior high. She was fairly quiet. Liked to read. Wasnt outgoing like the other girls in the house. Wanted to please Mr. and Mrs. Smith so willingly did her chores. She still didnt go outside alot. She wasnt used to it. years of being locked up inside a house made her afraid to journey far outside. She took her medicine so she didnt have to have seizures. This was also the time she got braces. This was a nice house. She really liked them. They werent Mr. and Mrs. P but they were very nice. It wasnt to last though. She was there for a year and a half when they took in another foster child who wasnt very nice. They asked for her to be removed and upon having this girl removed she accused them of awful things. Social Services had to investigate and promptly took out everyone. So off we go to another home.
During all these years of growing she still continued to take care of her brothers. Both boys were back with her mother and as she grew she took on jobs at the malls. She would go back to her mother's house when she had time off and give her mother money and clean up the house. No one knew what she was doing. No one knew she bought food for the house. Everyone thought she blew money on junk. She prefered that. She was ashamed that she was not there to take care of her brothers herself. They were her responsiblty and she was living somewhere else.
Because now she is a teenager there isnt many homes that wanted her. She bounced around alot from one temporary home to another. There was never any place that was a permanent home. a weekend here 6 weeks here. 4 months there. Then she ended up in a temporary place in a town called Saugerties. It wasnt a nice place, but Social Services said they were running out of temporary homes and they needed to place her here while they waited for one to open up. This was during the summer time that she was 15. The foster mother had a male friend who molested the young girl. The young girl told her case worker what happened and she was removed. They put her in a group home while they waited for a home to open. She was with kids her own age and it was more like a camp then a home. She waited adn waited. Finally after several weeks they came to move her again. To a foster home again in Saugerties. This time it was to be a permanent placement. While she was there after she started school, she happened to be looking through the phone book. She came across her last name. She thought that was odd and wondered if they were related to her. She decided to call them on a dare from her foster sisters. It turned out to be her great uncle Greg. Her grandfather's brother. He came that weekend to pick her up and brought her to meet her grandfather. Her grandfather called her aunt, his youngest daughter, her father's sister. The next thing she knew she was removed from the foster home and was living with her aunt and uncle and their children. She thought she had finally found a family. Unfortunatly her grandfather blamed her for her father's actions. He detested his own son. He hated her mother. Her uncle wanted nothing to do with her. The young girl withdrew once more into herself and became quiet. She spent alot of time down by the creek reading and writing. She didnt understand school and had a hard time with math. The teachers understood and explained that if she had stayed in one school she would have had a more comprehensive understanding of math and languages but that she was lacking the fundementals of these. They excused her from these classes and instead let her focus on such classes as music and writing. She had a hard time living in her aunts household but she wanted to very much fit in. She began to buy presents constantly for her aunt and would do what ever chores were set for her. Her uncle still ignored her and wanted nothing to do with her. After about a year the young girl was removed from her aunts and put into a group home. There the young girl had to learn to defend herself. It was either fight or be beaten up. You had no choice. These girls were not small town girls as she was used to. These were girls from inner city places. They were tough and didnt understand a girl who enjoyed sports, reading and writing. To them a girl who dressed differently and talked differently needed to be weeded out. The young girl began to have panic attacks and shake at night. Finally she was allowed to go back to her aunt's house but it was still not a stable environment. When she was in twelth grade she was removed again. This time only for about three months. But those three months included graduation. The young girl stood up there as she graduated surrounded by her classmates and their families with no one there to congratulate her. No one to cheer her on and she felt lonely.
Her father, who told her how much he wanted her and how much he loved her said come on out to Tacoma Washington and live with him and her new stepmother. She jumped at the chance. Once again she was being offered a chance at a new life. Someone cared. Could this be it? Could it finally be happening? So she packed all her stuff that she could in a garbage bag, grabbed a pillow, snuck out of the house while it was dark and got a ride to the bus station. She was off on a real adventure. She was off to get a real family. Finally someone who wanted her. It took three days to get there. When she stepped off the bus her father said she looked so much like her grandmother. It made her feel special.
Her father gave her her own room and told her that he had always wanted her. He told her about all these memories of when she was a little girl. He then told her that tonight it was her night and fixed drinks in celebration. She felt like such a grown up having her first drink. Most of her other friends had already had alcohal by her age and here she was at 19 having her first drink. He had also invited over a young gentleman around her age named Michael. The two of them hit it off. They began to date. Unfortunatly the young girl did not know that the birth control she was on was not working with her epilepsy medicine. She became pregnant. She told her father who told her he would support her and her decision. She told Michael who said they were getting married. She told him no. Her father told her yes she was and that she wasnt to big for him to "spank" She promptly moved out. She knew she couldnt do it on her own and she was very afraid. She had been accepted to washington state university and had wanted to go so bad and now felt like everything was ruined. She didnt know who to turn to or where to go. She did the only thing she could think of. She called her aunt. She was to ashamed to call Mrs. P. Her aunt told her to come home. They would figure it all out when she got there. She sent her a bus ticket home and so began the long journey back.
Upon ariving home she was welcomed. Everyone seemed happy to see her. She had been gone for six months. It seemd she had been missed. That evening though she was sat down after everyone had gone to bed and her aunt told her that she couldnt stay there. That her uncle felt that it would be a bad influence if she was here pregnant. That once she had the child that was a different story but to be pregnant around his teen age daughter was not something he wanted. She then told me how she had talked to Social Services and the two of them would be going down there tomorrow. That they had worked out a plan for the young girl. The young girl went to bed that night and cried.
The next day she got up got dressed and went with her aunt to social services. Sitting down she learned that she was to be placed in custody of the state until she was 21 and that she was also going to be living in a group home for pregnant teenagers upstate. so 19 years old pregnant alone and scared and she was once again being shoved into a group home. The next afternoon her aunt drove her to Albany and dropped her off. She didnt stay and she didnt see her again for about two years. She was the oldest girl living in the group home. All the other girls were inner city children from NYC. All were of the ages 12-14. They had school during the day so she was left alone with no one but herself. She spent alot of time walking in parks, reading and writing. Nothing that she didnt ever do before. Unfortunatly when she was about 8 months pregnant she ended up with a new roommate who thought, due to her seizures, she was possessed. She tried to kill her repeatedly. They had to remove the girl to a hospital after she came after the young girl with a knife in the kitchen. The group home was also an adoption agency and they tried to encourage the young girl to consider adoption. The young girl, never having had a family thought of this baby as someone to love. Someone who would finaly love her. She refused. The home decided to try to scare her. The took her to a shelter and told her this is where she will be living when she has the baby. That once she gives birth she must leave the group home promptly that she can not come back to the group home. She became very afraid because she had no where to go. A woman who worked at the group home took pity on the young girl and said to her that she could coem stay with her. They became friends. She helped the young girl prepare for the new life that was about to come into her life.
When she gave birth and left the group home for her new home she thought this is it. THis is my new start on life. Unfortunatly what she did not know is that the woman really wanted was the baby. She had lost a child of her own two years before. She looked upon the young girls baby as a replacement for that lost one. She helped the girl get into college but she did not let the girl take care of the baby and excluded her from her life. When the young girl met a young man while in college and began to date him she and him seemed to hit it off. They became serious and moved in together. She finally had her family. He asked her to marry him and she said yes. Unfortunatly what she didnt know is he was in love with someone else. That she was to always come in second place. The woman he was in love with was dating his friend. She had no interest in him. Her heart was broken. She had placed her trust in him. As the years went by her depression grew. She tried to make him happy but all the old fears came back. She withdrew more and more. He didnt talk to her and when he did it was to constantly correct her whether it was her speech or what she did. She couldnt seem to do anythign right and felt like an utter failure at everything. He didnt like her to try different cooking. He didnt like her changing the house around. He didnt like her changing her hair. He didnt like her changing her clothing style. He didnt like her changing the childrens hair. He didnt like her touching him in public. He didnt like her touching him at night unless he instigated such touch. He felt she couldnt understand even the simplest conversation so why talk to her about it. She would beg him to talk to her and he woudl tell her but i dont have anything to talk about and then get on the phone with his friends for hours. She began to hide. Their oldest daughter saw how her father talked to their mother and treated her the same. When she went to him and said this was happening he told her to grow up stop being a child. She began to act out to gain his attention. She figured that since doing nice things and buying him gifts, cooking him dinner dressing pretty none of that worked, lets act obnoxious. Sure enough he noticed her. Finally. So the fighting began. Yelling matches. But at least he was talking to her. At least he saw her. She was no longer invisible. He couldnt pretend she wasn there and go off to wish that she was the other woman. He had to pay attention to her.
Then one day a friend told her about this game called Second Life. She convinced her to give it a try. This friend knew how unhappy she was and what was going on in her life as she had spent hours on the phone with her crying. So she downloaded the program and made an account. She was amazed. Here she could just be herself. No one need know her past. No one need know her pain. No one need know her shame. She could just be. She acted bouncy and laughed and smiled. This made people happy. She saw this and continued. This was a good thing so keep it up and she would actually have friends. One day a man approached her. He showed interest in her. This floored her. It also worried her. He told her how he had checked her out. how he had seen her pictures on her guild site from her old game. How he thought she was beautiful. No one had ever said she was beautiful. He started to ask her to go out places with him and paying attention to her. No one ever paid attention to her. He wanted to be with her all the time. This amazed her. She soaked it up. He knew she was more then just an AV. He never ever called her by her avitar name. He called her by her real name always. She was a real person. What would happen when it went away? He insisted she write him from work. She call him on the way to work. She call him at lunch. She call him on the way home from work. she text him through out the day. she talk to him on gmail and email. She rp with him at night. even when he had her collared and would cage her in front of people and leash her in front of people she allowed it. What would happen when he no longer paid attention. What if it all went away? She would once again be alone! This scared her. The more he wanted from her the more she gave. Anything and everything. If he said jump she jumped. If he said sit she sat. What ever it was he needed she went out of her way to give. When she was told she wasnt supporting him emotionally she worried and worked harder to do so. She worked hard to please him for this made him happy and therefore he would want her. She didnt understand that he never actually wanted her though. She never knew that it was all a game. She didnt know that she was being used. How could she know.
The time came when her real life ended and she moved to NC per his request. He said he wanted to begin a RL with her. She believed him. She wanted to believe in him. He knew so much about her. Had gone out of his way to learn about her before she knew him. She thought this was truly finally her happily ever after. She came to NC with stars in her eyes and dreams. She was moving in once more with her father. He had offered her a room to stay in till she got on her feet. When she got down here though it all began to fall apart. She couldnt get online right away, and when she could it was sporadic as it was a phone connection and not cable. His phone calls started to drop away and he was no longer returning calls. He stopped texting her. When he did call her he was very curt on the phone to her and tell her he didnt think she could handle life. That she wouldnt make it. Where before he had been encouraging and demanding now he was distant and cutting. Once again she felt her world fall to pieces. She didnt understand. How could things change so drastically. There was no warning. Nothing to tell her that this was coming. She didnt understand what she did wrong. How could this happen. She once again fell into depression and became withdrawn. Her two friends who kept her going at the time were Johnny and Tsianni. Both would call and talk to her. Both constantly checked up on her. Both worried about her. She just wanted to hide from the world. She was 35 years old and she was tired. She was tired of trying. So very tired of trying. Tired of trying and failing over and over and over. Was there no one out there who could love her?
During all these years of growing she still continued to take care of her brothers. Both boys were back with her mother and as she grew she took on jobs at the malls. She would go back to her mother's house when she had time off and give her mother money and clean up the house. No one knew what she was doing. No one knew she bought food for the house. Everyone thought she blew money on junk. She prefered that. She was ashamed that she was not there to take care of her brothers herself. They were her responsiblty and she was living somewhere else.
Because now she is a teenager there isnt many homes that wanted her. She bounced around alot from one temporary home to another. There was never any place that was a permanent home. a weekend here 6 weeks here. 4 months there. Then she ended up in a temporary place in a town called Saugerties. It wasnt a nice place, but Social Services said they were running out of temporary homes and they needed to place her here while they waited for one to open up. This was during the summer time that she was 15. The foster mother had a male friend who molested the young girl. The young girl told her case worker what happened and she was removed. They put her in a group home while they waited for a home to open. She was with kids her own age and it was more like a camp then a home. She waited adn waited. Finally after several weeks they came to move her again. To a foster home again in Saugerties. This time it was to be a permanent placement. While she was there after she started school, she happened to be looking through the phone book. She came across her last name. She thought that was odd and wondered if they were related to her. She decided to call them on a dare from her foster sisters. It turned out to be her great uncle Greg. Her grandfather's brother. He came that weekend to pick her up and brought her to meet her grandfather. Her grandfather called her aunt, his youngest daughter, her father's sister. The next thing she knew she was removed from the foster home and was living with her aunt and uncle and their children. She thought she had finally found a family. Unfortunatly her grandfather blamed her for her father's actions. He detested his own son. He hated her mother. Her uncle wanted nothing to do with her. The young girl withdrew once more into herself and became quiet. She spent alot of time down by the creek reading and writing. She didnt understand school and had a hard time with math. The teachers understood and explained that if she had stayed in one school she would have had a more comprehensive understanding of math and languages but that she was lacking the fundementals of these. They excused her from these classes and instead let her focus on such classes as music and writing. She had a hard time living in her aunts household but she wanted to very much fit in. She began to buy presents constantly for her aunt and would do what ever chores were set for her. Her uncle still ignored her and wanted nothing to do with her. After about a year the young girl was removed from her aunts and put into a group home. There the young girl had to learn to defend herself. It was either fight or be beaten up. You had no choice. These girls were not small town girls as she was used to. These were girls from inner city places. They were tough and didnt understand a girl who enjoyed sports, reading and writing. To them a girl who dressed differently and talked differently needed to be weeded out. The young girl began to have panic attacks and shake at night. Finally she was allowed to go back to her aunt's house but it was still not a stable environment. When she was in twelth grade she was removed again. This time only for about three months. But those three months included graduation. The young girl stood up there as she graduated surrounded by her classmates and their families with no one there to congratulate her. No one to cheer her on and she felt lonely.
Her father, who told her how much he wanted her and how much he loved her said come on out to Tacoma Washington and live with him and her new stepmother. She jumped at the chance. Once again she was being offered a chance at a new life. Someone cared. Could this be it? Could it finally be happening? So she packed all her stuff that she could in a garbage bag, grabbed a pillow, snuck out of the house while it was dark and got a ride to the bus station. She was off on a real adventure. She was off to get a real family. Finally someone who wanted her. It took three days to get there. When she stepped off the bus her father said she looked so much like her grandmother. It made her feel special.
Her father gave her her own room and told her that he had always wanted her. He told her about all these memories of when she was a little girl. He then told her that tonight it was her night and fixed drinks in celebration. She felt like such a grown up having her first drink. Most of her other friends had already had alcohal by her age and here she was at 19 having her first drink. He had also invited over a young gentleman around her age named Michael. The two of them hit it off. They began to date. Unfortunatly the young girl did not know that the birth control she was on was not working with her epilepsy medicine. She became pregnant. She told her father who told her he would support her and her decision. She told Michael who said they were getting married. She told him no. Her father told her yes she was and that she wasnt to big for him to "spank" She promptly moved out. She knew she couldnt do it on her own and she was very afraid. She had been accepted to washington state university and had wanted to go so bad and now felt like everything was ruined. She didnt know who to turn to or where to go. She did the only thing she could think of. She called her aunt. She was to ashamed to call Mrs. P. Her aunt told her to come home. They would figure it all out when she got there. She sent her a bus ticket home and so began the long journey back.
Upon ariving home she was welcomed. Everyone seemed happy to see her. She had been gone for six months. It seemd she had been missed. That evening though she was sat down after everyone had gone to bed and her aunt told her that she couldnt stay there. That her uncle felt that it would be a bad influence if she was here pregnant. That once she had the child that was a different story but to be pregnant around his teen age daughter was not something he wanted. She then told me how she had talked to Social Services and the two of them would be going down there tomorrow. That they had worked out a plan for the young girl. The young girl went to bed that night and cried.
The next day she got up got dressed and went with her aunt to social services. Sitting down she learned that she was to be placed in custody of the state until she was 21 and that she was also going to be living in a group home for pregnant teenagers upstate. so 19 years old pregnant alone and scared and she was once again being shoved into a group home. The next afternoon her aunt drove her to Albany and dropped her off. She didnt stay and she didnt see her again for about two years. She was the oldest girl living in the group home. All the other girls were inner city children from NYC. All were of the ages 12-14. They had school during the day so she was left alone with no one but herself. She spent alot of time walking in parks, reading and writing. Nothing that she didnt ever do before. Unfortunatly when she was about 8 months pregnant she ended up with a new roommate who thought, due to her seizures, she was possessed. She tried to kill her repeatedly. They had to remove the girl to a hospital after she came after the young girl with a knife in the kitchen. The group home was also an adoption agency and they tried to encourage the young girl to consider adoption. The young girl, never having had a family thought of this baby as someone to love. Someone who would finaly love her. She refused. The home decided to try to scare her. The took her to a shelter and told her this is where she will be living when she has the baby. That once she gives birth she must leave the group home promptly that she can not come back to the group home. She became very afraid because she had no where to go. A woman who worked at the group home took pity on the young girl and said to her that she could coem stay with her. They became friends. She helped the young girl prepare for the new life that was about to come into her life.
When she gave birth and left the group home for her new home she thought this is it. THis is my new start on life. Unfortunatly what she did not know is that the woman really wanted was the baby. She had lost a child of her own two years before. She looked upon the young girls baby as a replacement for that lost one. She helped the girl get into college but she did not let the girl take care of the baby and excluded her from her life. When the young girl met a young man while in college and began to date him she and him seemed to hit it off. They became serious and moved in together. She finally had her family. He asked her to marry him and she said yes. Unfortunatly what she didnt know is he was in love with someone else. That she was to always come in second place. The woman he was in love with was dating his friend. She had no interest in him. Her heart was broken. She had placed her trust in him. As the years went by her depression grew. She tried to make him happy but all the old fears came back. She withdrew more and more. He didnt talk to her and when he did it was to constantly correct her whether it was her speech or what she did. She couldnt seem to do anythign right and felt like an utter failure at everything. He didnt like her to try different cooking. He didnt like her changing the house around. He didnt like her changing her hair. He didnt like her changing her clothing style. He didnt like her changing the childrens hair. He didnt like her touching him in public. He didnt like her touching him at night unless he instigated such touch. He felt she couldnt understand even the simplest conversation so why talk to her about it. She would beg him to talk to her and he woudl tell her but i dont have anything to talk about and then get on the phone with his friends for hours. She began to hide. Their oldest daughter saw how her father talked to their mother and treated her the same. When she went to him and said this was happening he told her to grow up stop being a child. She began to act out to gain his attention. She figured that since doing nice things and buying him gifts, cooking him dinner dressing pretty none of that worked, lets act obnoxious. Sure enough he noticed her. Finally. So the fighting began. Yelling matches. But at least he was talking to her. At least he saw her. She was no longer invisible. He couldnt pretend she wasn there and go off to wish that she was the other woman. He had to pay attention to her.
Then one day a friend told her about this game called Second Life. She convinced her to give it a try. This friend knew how unhappy she was and what was going on in her life as she had spent hours on the phone with her crying. So she downloaded the program and made an account. She was amazed. Here she could just be herself. No one need know her past. No one need know her pain. No one need know her shame. She could just be. She acted bouncy and laughed and smiled. This made people happy. She saw this and continued. This was a good thing so keep it up and she would actually have friends. One day a man approached her. He showed interest in her. This floored her. It also worried her. He told her how he had checked her out. how he had seen her pictures on her guild site from her old game. How he thought she was beautiful. No one had ever said she was beautiful. He started to ask her to go out places with him and paying attention to her. No one ever paid attention to her. He wanted to be with her all the time. This amazed her. She soaked it up. He knew she was more then just an AV. He never ever called her by her avitar name. He called her by her real name always. She was a real person. What would happen when it went away? He insisted she write him from work. She call him on the way to work. She call him at lunch. She call him on the way home from work. she text him through out the day. she talk to him on gmail and email. She rp with him at night. even when he had her collared and would cage her in front of people and leash her in front of people she allowed it. What would happen when he no longer paid attention. What if it all went away? She would once again be alone! This scared her. The more he wanted from her the more she gave. Anything and everything. If he said jump she jumped. If he said sit she sat. What ever it was he needed she went out of her way to give. When she was told she wasnt supporting him emotionally she worried and worked harder to do so. She worked hard to please him for this made him happy and therefore he would want her. She didnt understand that he never actually wanted her though. She never knew that it was all a game. She didnt know that she was being used. How could she know.
The time came when her real life ended and she moved to NC per his request. He said he wanted to begin a RL with her. She believed him. She wanted to believe in him. He knew so much about her. Had gone out of his way to learn about her before she knew him. She thought this was truly finally her happily ever after. She came to NC with stars in her eyes and dreams. She was moving in once more with her father. He had offered her a room to stay in till she got on her feet. When she got down here though it all began to fall apart. She couldnt get online right away, and when she could it was sporadic as it was a phone connection and not cable. His phone calls started to drop away and he was no longer returning calls. He stopped texting her. When he did call her he was very curt on the phone to her and tell her he didnt think she could handle life. That she wouldnt make it. Where before he had been encouraging and demanding now he was distant and cutting. Once again she felt her world fall to pieces. She didnt understand. How could things change so drastically. There was no warning. Nothing to tell her that this was coming. She didnt understand what she did wrong. How could this happen. She once again fell into depression and became withdrawn. Her two friends who kept her going at the time were Johnny and Tsianni. Both would call and talk to her. Both constantly checked up on her. Both worried about her. She just wanted to hide from the world. She was 35 years old and she was tired. She was tired of trying. So very tired of trying. Tired of trying and failing over and over and over. Was there no one out there who could love her?
Little Girl Lost Part 2
The very next day the little girl followed her normal routine. She woke up. Got dressed in a long sleeved shirt and turtleneck and jeans for this would hide the bruises adn marks. Brushed her hair very carefully and put it in a braid. Brushed her teeth. Went in and woke up her baby brother and did the same for him. Then went down stairs and made breakfast for the two of them. Her other brother did not attend school. He was special and had a learning disabilty. Her mother had taken him out of school years ago. Most of the day he stayed upstairs in his room with his heman toys and away from her. She packed her baby brother's snack and bag, retrieved her books and walked to school with him. She did not tell him that they were not going home that afternoon. She could not explain to him what that meant as he was only in kindergarten. She stayed in school all day long and did her studies. That afternoon she left her books in her desk and retrieved her jacket. She had talked to her only friend, a girl named paulette and told her what she wanted to do. Paulette thought it was a grand adventure and told her she would help. The little girl went downstairs to her baby brother's class and picked him up. Upon leaving the school she told him they were not going home. She had told him and her other brother for years about Mr. and Mrs. P. About their life with them. Now she told her baby brother that they were going back to their home with them. That she was taking them away to something better. The little girl and her brother walked with Paulette to her house and told her mother that they were going to the library. Paulette stayed with the little girl till it was dark. The little girl and her friend said goodbye to each other and hugged. She took her little brother and began the long walk towards home. Only they didnt go home. Instead they went to a neighbor's house that was near home. Upon arriving at the neighbors house she asked to speak to her. The woman came to the door and the little girl very afraid reminded the neighbor that she had told the little girl once that if she ever needed help she could come to her. The neighbor brought her inside and sat her down. She talked to the little girl and asked her what she wanted to do. She then called Social Services and the Police to come see the little girl. What the little girl did not know is that she also called her mother to warn her. Her mother then hid her other brother and warned him that if he said anything that the police would come and lock him up and he would never see his sister again. He sat quietly in the closet as the police came and talked to the little girls mother. She denied everything. Said the little girl had fallen down the stairs after some rough housing with her brother. That children would be children. The police came to the neighbors house and took the little girl into a private room and asked her to take her clothing off. They took pictures of her body and the bruises. They told the little girl she did not have to go back. A nice lady from Social Services arrived to talk to the little girl. Her brother was asleep on the couch. The nice lady asked her what she wanted. The little girl started to cry and said she wanted to go home. The lady looked at the little girl very confused and said but you ran away from home. The little girl corrected her self and said the Petrocellis. Social Services explained that it was very late that they could not get a hold of them so late but that they had a very nice place for the little girl and her brother to go for the night. The little girl started to cry and asking about her other brother. The lady and police said there was nothing they could do for her brother. The little girl became very quiet and sad. She felt very guilty She had left her brother there. The petrocellis would be very mad at the little girl. She had not protected her brothers as she was supposed to.
The nice lady packed her brother and the little girl into a car and drove her to a new house where a nice lady was waiting for her. They tucked the two children into beds. The nice lady promised to come back the next day to talk to the little girl. The next afternoon she drove up and sat down on the steps with the little girl. She told the little girl that her mother had denied everything and that there was going to be an investigation. She also told the little girl she had good news. That she had talked to the Petrocellis and they were waiting for the little girl. The little girl was very nervous and asked about her other brother. The nice lady told her again there was nothing they could do about him. That right now the little girl had to focus on herself and be happy. She tried but she just knew they Petrocellis were goign to be upset with her. This bothered her alot.
She got in the car with her brother for the long trip to the Petrocellis new house. They no longer lived in the big yellow house but had moved. When she got out of the car again she walked slowly up the stairs and waited while the lady rang the door bell. Mrs. P came to the door and the little girl just stood there staring. Mrs. P took the little girl into her arms and the little girl started to cry all over again and saying how sorry she was. Mrs. P took the papers from the lady and the lady went back to the car to get her brother. Bringing her brother in she spoke to Mrs. P and then left. The little girl curled up on a chair and just looked around. She was surprised to see pictures of her and her brothers along with her foster sisters on the mantle. Mrs. P whom she had always called mom came in and told her to come into the kitchen for some lunch. She went to the fridge and asked Mrs. P what she would like her to fix. Mrs. P told her no she didnt have to cook that she would not have to do any of that here. The little girl looked at the woman she had always loved and said oh I forgot. She sat down to eat her lunch when she heard a noise. Looking up she saw walking in Mr. P. She jumped up and ran to him and hugged him hard. Mr. P just held her when more noise came behind him and her foster sisters came in also. They started talking as if she had never left hugging her and chatting about school. Gina started teasing her as she used to and Felicia complaining as always. The little girl who was now a young girl felt very shy. Mrs. P took the young girl into her new room downstairs and talked to asking her what was wrong. The young girl told her about leaving shaun behind. Mrs. P told her she wasnt upset with her and tried to ease her but the young girl didnt believe her. She got out a nightgown for the young girl and tried to help her get undressed but the young girl refused. She didnt want Mrs. P to see her body. To see the marks. She fell asleep that afternoon on her bed in her clothing. When she woke she was in the nightgown and was very worried. She came out to find shane happily playing in his new room with his toys. He was content.
Time went on. The little girl grew but her sadness never left. Instead it grew. Her guilt sat on her. She had to go to court because of the charges against her mother. Her mother talked to her in the hall telling her the jury and the judge all thought she was a liar. No one believed her and she would never see shaun again. That she had abadoned shaun and now shaun would be punished for her sins. That would ever love or could ever love scum like her. The little girl became more and more depressed. She withdrew within herself. She talked less to people around her and didnt have many friends. She spent alot of time by herself in the woods. Mrs. P realized that she could nto reach the young girl. That she was not helping her and she needed more then she could give her. She loved this young girl but she felt this was not where the young girl needed to be. The young girl also started to have gram mal seizures. Exams showed the young girl had white spots scattered on her brain from having had her head slammed into walls, floors, and furniture one to many times. So the time had come for the young girl to once again be uprooted and taken to a new home.
The nice lady packed her brother and the little girl into a car and drove her to a new house where a nice lady was waiting for her. They tucked the two children into beds. The nice lady promised to come back the next day to talk to the little girl. The next afternoon she drove up and sat down on the steps with the little girl. She told the little girl that her mother had denied everything and that there was going to be an investigation. She also told the little girl she had good news. That she had talked to the Petrocellis and they were waiting for the little girl. The little girl was very nervous and asked about her other brother. The nice lady told her again there was nothing they could do about him. That right now the little girl had to focus on herself and be happy. She tried but she just knew they Petrocellis were goign to be upset with her. This bothered her alot.
She got in the car with her brother for the long trip to the Petrocellis new house. They no longer lived in the big yellow house but had moved. When she got out of the car again she walked slowly up the stairs and waited while the lady rang the door bell. Mrs. P came to the door and the little girl just stood there staring. Mrs. P took the little girl into her arms and the little girl started to cry all over again and saying how sorry she was. Mrs. P took the papers from the lady and the lady went back to the car to get her brother. Bringing her brother in she spoke to Mrs. P and then left. The little girl curled up on a chair and just looked around. She was surprised to see pictures of her and her brothers along with her foster sisters on the mantle. Mrs. P whom she had always called mom came in and told her to come into the kitchen for some lunch. She went to the fridge and asked Mrs. P what she would like her to fix. Mrs. P told her no she didnt have to cook that she would not have to do any of that here. The little girl looked at the woman she had always loved and said oh I forgot. She sat down to eat her lunch when she heard a noise. Looking up she saw walking in Mr. P. She jumped up and ran to him and hugged him hard. Mr. P just held her when more noise came behind him and her foster sisters came in also. They started talking as if she had never left hugging her and chatting about school. Gina started teasing her as she used to and Felicia complaining as always. The little girl who was now a young girl felt very shy. Mrs. P took the young girl into her new room downstairs and talked to asking her what was wrong. The young girl told her about leaving shaun behind. Mrs. P told her she wasnt upset with her and tried to ease her but the young girl didnt believe her. She got out a nightgown for the young girl and tried to help her get undressed but the young girl refused. She didnt want Mrs. P to see her body. To see the marks. She fell asleep that afternoon on her bed in her clothing. When she woke she was in the nightgown and was very worried. She came out to find shane happily playing in his new room with his toys. He was content.
Time went on. The little girl grew but her sadness never left. Instead it grew. Her guilt sat on her. She had to go to court because of the charges against her mother. Her mother talked to her in the hall telling her the jury and the judge all thought she was a liar. No one believed her and she would never see shaun again. That she had abadoned shaun and now shaun would be punished for her sins. That would ever love or could ever love scum like her. The little girl became more and more depressed. She withdrew within herself. She talked less to people around her and didnt have many friends. She spent alot of time by herself in the woods. Mrs. P realized that she could nto reach the young girl. That she was not helping her and she needed more then she could give her. She loved this young girl but she felt this was not where the young girl needed to be. The young girl also started to have gram mal seizures. Exams showed the young girl had white spots scattered on her brain from having had her head slammed into walls, floors, and furniture one to many times. So the time had come for the young girl to once again be uprooted and taken to a new home.
Little Girl Lost Part 1
How is it the past haunts us so much. It affects us so greatly in what we do and say. How we view our lives and those around us? How we see the world, whether in its beauty of colors or in shades of grey. Let me tell you a tale. A tale of a girl who wanted a rainbow and believed in fairies only to have it ripped away.
There was this young girl who lived in a sunny state with her parents. She was an inquistive child. Tended to find mischief in all sorts of corners. She liked to climb trees. She tried to make strawberry pancakes out of nestle quick and pancake mix when all were sleeping. She ate a whole bottle of flinstone vitamins on a dare. She believed in monsters. She would sit up at night and watch monster movies with her father. There was one person in her life she was very afraid of and that was her mother. Her father would leave often on his trips. He was a musician. Her mother would have parties during this time in which strangers would come to live. There would be loud music, drugs and drinking. This young girl, of no older then 4 would take care of her brothers, feeding and changing their diapers. There were times when while her father was gone her mother would leave also. To where the young girl did not know.
One day the young girl, her brothers, and her parents moved to NY the home of her parents. She met her grandmother. Her grandmother did not like the young girl. She never knew why till she grew up. They lived in a small motel room all together in New Paltz across from the bar where her father played. During the day when her father practiced he would bring her with him. The owner of the bar was a very nice man who would let her sit at the bar and have soup. This was her favorite time of day. She did not like at night. For when night came she would have to stay in the motel room with her mother, who would get high and do things to the little girl. She never told anyone what her mother did because her mother told her that this was normal and she was helping her mommy feel better.
When she was six years old a man came and took the little girl and her two brothers away to what they called a foster home. She did not understand why. She was just told that this was her new family. This wasnt a big surprise to her for growing up she had lots of people her mother had told her was her family. Alot of uncles and aunts. Times her mother would leave her with them and she wouldnt see her for weeks. Then one day her father would find her. She figured this was the same thing. That one day her father would find her. The people who were bringing her said no. Her father would not be coming to get her at all. That her mother and father were getting divorced. The little girl did not know what this meant, but she just nodded and went to check on her brothers. When she arrived at the big yellow house with the horses she was surprised. She knew her new mother! This was her gym teacher. It made her very happy. Mrs. Petrocelli had often given her lunch and Mr. Petrocelli had always been nice to her at school. She gave them a big hug. The took her brothers from the man and lady which scared her because she didnt know where they were going with them. Mrs. Petrocelli let her see that she had a nice room just for them. She looked around wondering where her bed was? Was she to sleep on the floor? Mrs. Petrocelli smiled at the little girl and took her hand leading her down stairs into a nice room. It had a dresser with a pretty lamp and a doll on it. It had a toybox with toys in it! it had shelves with books! and a pretty bed with a strawberry shortcake blanket and a strawberry shortcake doll laying on it. She looked at the doll hopefully. Mrs. P told the little girl this was her room and left her in it. She sat in there and just held the doll. Was Mrs. P magic? She still needed to take care of her brothers though and when they cried that night, just like a good girl, she got out of bed walked upstairs, changed their diapers and fed them their bottles. She didnt know that Mrs. P watched her do this from the doorway. She grew to love Mrs. P and Mr. P very much and didnt want to hurt them. Her mother and father never wanted to see her. She would go to the building for visits and they never came. Her and her brothers would sit for what seemed like forever playing with toys but they never came. She didnt understand what was wrong with her. She was taking care of her brothers. She was behaving. She was taking her medicine. Why didnt her mother and father want her? Then the grandfather started to take the little girl out to the fields where the wildflowers would grow. He told the little girl she was to never tell but that sitting in his lap was not a bad thing. That what he did was because he loved her and she was a beautiful little girl. Besides didnt she want to stay there with them forever? She wanted this very much.
It wasnt to happen though. A year and a half passed and the little girl grew taller. One day the man and the woman came to speak to Mrs and Mr. P. The little girl was told to go outside and play for a while. A little while later she was brought back in and sat down at the table. The man and the woman had left. Mrs. P was crying and Mr. P looked very angry. They had alot of papers in front of them. They asked the little girl if she remembered when they talked to her about adoption. She smiled and said yes. They then explained to her that it was no longer possible for them to do this. That her mother was asking for her and her brothers back. The little girl was confused. Her mother? But she hadnt seen her mother in over a year. Why would her mother want her back now. She shook her head no. She didnt want to go back. She said to them that she would be good. She would try harder. She would help clean up the house. She would make her bed better. Mrs. P cried harder. The little girl was very upset and was screaming. Mr. P held her for a while till she stopped. The little girl grew very quiet and in the upcoming weeks didnt talk much. When the man and the woman came to get the little girl and her brothers she sat in the car crying staring at the big yellow house as they drove away.
Upon arriving at her new home they walked up the stairs of a green house and nocked on the door. A woman with bright yellow hair answered and very loudly kissed her and said how happy she was to have her back. The little girl looked at her and nodded. She helped the man and the woman bring her brothers stuff in. When the man and woman left a new man came in. His name was Rob. Her mother said this was her new father. The little girl was confused and said but she already had a father. Her mother got angry with the little girl and took away the pretty perfumes Mrs. P had given her telling her that until she learned to mind her mother and father she could not have them back. Her baby brother began to cry at all the loud noise. He was only 2. The new man picked up her baby brother and started to spank him. He spanked him hard and in doing so chipped his baby tooth on the edge of the table. The little girl grew very upset seeing him bleeding but Rob did not stop. The little girl ran over to Rob and started yelling at him to stop pulling on his hands. Rob promplty slapped the little girl sending her across the room. He stood up and took off his belt and said to her mother that the little girl needed to learn to mind her elders. He told the little girl to take off her clothes. The little girl was dizzy from hitting the wall but did as she was told. Later that night hurting from the beating she lay in bed on the floor. She had been sent to bed without dinner. She cried very quietly so as not to let them hear her as they had friends over. She smelled the perfume Mrs. P had given her that her mother was wearing and also a weird smell coming from the strange things that was making smoke. She missed Mrs. P and Mr. P. She wanted to go home. She knew she had to protect her brothers and look after them. Mrs. P and Mr. P would want that.
The next day school started and she got up to get ready. her mother brushed her hair but it hurt as her head was still tender from it hitting the wall. She cried out several times as the brush went through her hair. Unfortunatly this woke Rob and he got up and slapped her. The little girl began to cry. Her mother took her out of the house and on the way to school told her to stop crying. She told her that ti was her own fault that she should never have cried out. She woke him up and now she has learned a lesson. She also told her that it was her responsiblty to help look after her brothers. That she was a big girl. The little girl looked at her mother and nodded quietly afraid to make a noise. She went to school but didnt talk to anyone. The children thought she was weird. They stayed away from her so she didnt make any friends. But this was ok as she didnt stay in this school very long. So began her life. When rob and her mother became angry with her brothers the little girl stepped in. Her mother learned to hide the little girls scars and bruises on her legs and back through bleach baths. When she was 8 her mother and Rob went away for the weekend taking her brothers with them. They left the house filled with strangers adn told the little girl she was in charge. To make sure the strangers did not drink all the milk or eat all the eggs. The little girl being little used the time they were gone to play outside. Something she hadnt done ina very long time. She still had a streak of daring in her. She wasnt afraid of doing what the boys did and she got hurt. She ended up with a bloody right eye. Unfortunatly she did not follow the directions of her mother. When they came home the house was a mess and the milk all drank and the eggs gone. the little girl was beaten till bloody and made to wash the floor with a tooth brush and to stay up all night washing all the dishes in the house. She begged her mother to let her go to sleep. Her mother said no she needed to learn to be responsible. She couldnt see out of her eye. When she started to fall asleep at the sink her mother would come in and make her walk around the house till she woke up. After that it was once again time to move. In the next place she became afraid to go out at night. One night while coming home with her mother someone tried to shoot them. It turned out her mother forgot to pay someone some money she owed and they were giving a warning. The little girl was always afraid of the dark after that night.
They moved 6 times. The final time was to a big house. This house had a washing machine and dryer so the little girl thought she didnt have to wash the clothes in the tub anymore or hang the clothing outside in the winter time. This was not so. Her mother said the washing machine and dryer were for lazy people. Unfortunatly for the little girl the house had big hard wood floors also. which meant always sweeping and washing them by hand and when she was bad and needed a lesson learned washing with a toothbrush. The beatings continued as did the slamming into the walls. One day the little girl decided to try to take the candy her mother always took. She knew where her mother hid them. Her mother was always happy after she took them. Her mother was asleep downstairs passed out from drinking. Rob wasnt home. She went upstairs to her mothers bedroom and opened the top drawer. She took out the little round tin from under her mothers underthings. Opening it up she found a variety of colors. Some blue some pink some yellow and some white. She wanted to be happy so she took one of each. She was ten years old. She became very sick and started to throw up and shake. Her mother heard the noise and stumbled upstairs to find the little girl on the floor of her room and the pills next to her. She began to scream at the little girl which made the little girl cry and shake harder. Her mother locked the little girl in her bedroom and gave her a pan to throw up in. She piled blankets on her and brought her glasses of water. She called the school and informed them that the little girl would be out of school for several days due to the flu. The little girl did get better in about a week, but when she did she was punished for eating her mothers candy. Another time her mother was convinced the little girl had snuck her cigarettes. She didnt realize the little girl couldnt stand the smell of them. They gave her headaches. She made the little girl sit down and smoke three packs then dragged her by her hair and threw her outside to sit all night in the cold. One day at school the little girl's principle brought her down to talk to her. There was another lady plus the nurse there. They talked to the little girl about the bruises on her arms and how the little girl always flinched when someone touched her back or head. How the little girl had no friends and didnt talk to other children. They told the little girl they could help her if she needed help. She thanked them and went back to class.
That night the phone rang. She picked up the phone to hear a mans voice. She said hello and the man said Shannon? The little girl said yes? The man replied with This is your daddy! The little girl was shocked and said hi. The man on the phone proceeded to tell her she had a new baby brother named christopher. The little girl said oh. Her mother heard the girl talking on the phone and demanded to know who she was talking to. The little girl replied "Daddy". Her mother snatched the phone and hung it up. Grabbing the little girl by her hair dragged her over to the floor and pushed her down. She gave her a pencil and paper and told her to write five hundred times that her father was dead. The little girl was afraid so did as her mother told her to. Upon finishing her task her mother told her to rip up the papers into tiny bits. She did this. When she was finished with that her mother then told her to say that Rob was her father. The little girl hated Rob. She shook her head no. Her mother stood up and smacked the little girl sendign her into a table. She repeated her order. The little girl still said no. Her mother smacked the little girl repeatedly demanding she say what she wanted her to. Finally her mother told the little girl to go up to her room that her father would deal with her when she came home. The little girl walked up the stairs slowly because everything was spinning. When she got to her room she left the door open so she could see as she had no light. Her lights had been taken away along time ago as punishment. She didnt want to sit there in the dark. Her mother heard her and came upstairs and closed her door, pushing a chair under the door knob so the little girl couldnt open it. The little girl curled up in the dark and waited. She talked to herself and told her self stories in order to not be afraid. She brought out her pretend side where she was a super hero and could fly away from here. She didnt know how long she was there but when the door turned she knew what was coming. Rob came in with a lamp and told her to get undressed. The little girl who was now 11 did as she was told and stood before him naked. He took off his belt and told her to walk around him in a circle. He proceeded to hit her with the belt as she did as she was told crieing as it hit her. This lasted for about an hour. After it was done the little girl decided she was going to run away.
There was this young girl who lived in a sunny state with her parents. She was an inquistive child. Tended to find mischief in all sorts of corners. She liked to climb trees. She tried to make strawberry pancakes out of nestle quick and pancake mix when all were sleeping. She ate a whole bottle of flinstone vitamins on a dare. She believed in monsters. She would sit up at night and watch monster movies with her father. There was one person in her life she was very afraid of and that was her mother. Her father would leave often on his trips. He was a musician. Her mother would have parties during this time in which strangers would come to live. There would be loud music, drugs and drinking. This young girl, of no older then 4 would take care of her brothers, feeding and changing their diapers. There were times when while her father was gone her mother would leave also. To where the young girl did not know.
One day the young girl, her brothers, and her parents moved to NY the home of her parents. She met her grandmother. Her grandmother did not like the young girl. She never knew why till she grew up. They lived in a small motel room all together in New Paltz across from the bar where her father played. During the day when her father practiced he would bring her with him. The owner of the bar was a very nice man who would let her sit at the bar and have soup. This was her favorite time of day. She did not like at night. For when night came she would have to stay in the motel room with her mother, who would get high and do things to the little girl. She never told anyone what her mother did because her mother told her that this was normal and she was helping her mommy feel better.
When she was six years old a man came and took the little girl and her two brothers away to what they called a foster home. She did not understand why. She was just told that this was her new family. This wasnt a big surprise to her for growing up she had lots of people her mother had told her was her family. Alot of uncles and aunts. Times her mother would leave her with them and she wouldnt see her for weeks. Then one day her father would find her. She figured this was the same thing. That one day her father would find her. The people who were bringing her said no. Her father would not be coming to get her at all. That her mother and father were getting divorced. The little girl did not know what this meant, but she just nodded and went to check on her brothers. When she arrived at the big yellow house with the horses she was surprised. She knew her new mother! This was her gym teacher. It made her very happy. Mrs. Petrocelli had often given her lunch and Mr. Petrocelli had always been nice to her at school. She gave them a big hug. The took her brothers from the man and lady which scared her because she didnt know where they were going with them. Mrs. Petrocelli let her see that she had a nice room just for them. She looked around wondering where her bed was? Was she to sleep on the floor? Mrs. Petrocelli smiled at the little girl and took her hand leading her down stairs into a nice room. It had a dresser with a pretty lamp and a doll on it. It had a toybox with toys in it! it had shelves with books! and a pretty bed with a strawberry shortcake blanket and a strawberry shortcake doll laying on it. She looked at the doll hopefully. Mrs. P told the little girl this was her room and left her in it. She sat in there and just held the doll. Was Mrs. P magic? She still needed to take care of her brothers though and when they cried that night, just like a good girl, she got out of bed walked upstairs, changed their diapers and fed them their bottles. She didnt know that Mrs. P watched her do this from the doorway. She grew to love Mrs. P and Mr. P very much and didnt want to hurt them. Her mother and father never wanted to see her. She would go to the building for visits and they never came. Her and her brothers would sit for what seemed like forever playing with toys but they never came. She didnt understand what was wrong with her. She was taking care of her brothers. She was behaving. She was taking her medicine. Why didnt her mother and father want her? Then the grandfather started to take the little girl out to the fields where the wildflowers would grow. He told the little girl she was to never tell but that sitting in his lap was not a bad thing. That what he did was because he loved her and she was a beautiful little girl. Besides didnt she want to stay there with them forever? She wanted this very much.
It wasnt to happen though. A year and a half passed and the little girl grew taller. One day the man and the woman came to speak to Mrs and Mr. P. The little girl was told to go outside and play for a while. A little while later she was brought back in and sat down at the table. The man and the woman had left. Mrs. P was crying and Mr. P looked very angry. They had alot of papers in front of them. They asked the little girl if she remembered when they talked to her about adoption. She smiled and said yes. They then explained to her that it was no longer possible for them to do this. That her mother was asking for her and her brothers back. The little girl was confused. Her mother? But she hadnt seen her mother in over a year. Why would her mother want her back now. She shook her head no. She didnt want to go back. She said to them that she would be good. She would try harder. She would help clean up the house. She would make her bed better. Mrs. P cried harder. The little girl was very upset and was screaming. Mr. P held her for a while till she stopped. The little girl grew very quiet and in the upcoming weeks didnt talk much. When the man and the woman came to get the little girl and her brothers she sat in the car crying staring at the big yellow house as they drove away.
Upon arriving at her new home they walked up the stairs of a green house and nocked on the door. A woman with bright yellow hair answered and very loudly kissed her and said how happy she was to have her back. The little girl looked at her and nodded. She helped the man and the woman bring her brothers stuff in. When the man and woman left a new man came in. His name was Rob. Her mother said this was her new father. The little girl was confused and said but she already had a father. Her mother got angry with the little girl and took away the pretty perfumes Mrs. P had given her telling her that until she learned to mind her mother and father she could not have them back. Her baby brother began to cry at all the loud noise. He was only 2. The new man picked up her baby brother and started to spank him. He spanked him hard and in doing so chipped his baby tooth on the edge of the table. The little girl grew very upset seeing him bleeding but Rob did not stop. The little girl ran over to Rob and started yelling at him to stop pulling on his hands. Rob promplty slapped the little girl sending her across the room. He stood up and took off his belt and said to her mother that the little girl needed to learn to mind her elders. He told the little girl to take off her clothes. The little girl was dizzy from hitting the wall but did as she was told. Later that night hurting from the beating she lay in bed on the floor. She had been sent to bed without dinner. She cried very quietly so as not to let them hear her as they had friends over. She smelled the perfume Mrs. P had given her that her mother was wearing and also a weird smell coming from the strange things that was making smoke. She missed Mrs. P and Mr. P. She wanted to go home. She knew she had to protect her brothers and look after them. Mrs. P and Mr. P would want that.
The next day school started and she got up to get ready. her mother brushed her hair but it hurt as her head was still tender from it hitting the wall. She cried out several times as the brush went through her hair. Unfortunatly this woke Rob and he got up and slapped her. The little girl began to cry. Her mother took her out of the house and on the way to school told her to stop crying. She told her that ti was her own fault that she should never have cried out. She woke him up and now she has learned a lesson. She also told her that it was her responsiblty to help look after her brothers. That she was a big girl. The little girl looked at her mother and nodded quietly afraid to make a noise. She went to school but didnt talk to anyone. The children thought she was weird. They stayed away from her so she didnt make any friends. But this was ok as she didnt stay in this school very long. So began her life. When rob and her mother became angry with her brothers the little girl stepped in. Her mother learned to hide the little girls scars and bruises on her legs and back through bleach baths. When she was 8 her mother and Rob went away for the weekend taking her brothers with them. They left the house filled with strangers adn told the little girl she was in charge. To make sure the strangers did not drink all the milk or eat all the eggs. The little girl being little used the time they were gone to play outside. Something she hadnt done ina very long time. She still had a streak of daring in her. She wasnt afraid of doing what the boys did and she got hurt. She ended up with a bloody right eye. Unfortunatly she did not follow the directions of her mother. When they came home the house was a mess and the milk all drank and the eggs gone. the little girl was beaten till bloody and made to wash the floor with a tooth brush and to stay up all night washing all the dishes in the house. She begged her mother to let her go to sleep. Her mother said no she needed to learn to be responsible. She couldnt see out of her eye. When she started to fall asleep at the sink her mother would come in and make her walk around the house till she woke up. After that it was once again time to move. In the next place she became afraid to go out at night. One night while coming home with her mother someone tried to shoot them. It turned out her mother forgot to pay someone some money she owed and they were giving a warning. The little girl was always afraid of the dark after that night.
They moved 6 times. The final time was to a big house. This house had a washing machine and dryer so the little girl thought she didnt have to wash the clothes in the tub anymore or hang the clothing outside in the winter time. This was not so. Her mother said the washing machine and dryer were for lazy people. Unfortunatly for the little girl the house had big hard wood floors also. which meant always sweeping and washing them by hand and when she was bad and needed a lesson learned washing with a toothbrush. The beatings continued as did the slamming into the walls. One day the little girl decided to try to take the candy her mother always took. She knew where her mother hid them. Her mother was always happy after she took them. Her mother was asleep downstairs passed out from drinking. Rob wasnt home. She went upstairs to her mothers bedroom and opened the top drawer. She took out the little round tin from under her mothers underthings. Opening it up she found a variety of colors. Some blue some pink some yellow and some white. She wanted to be happy so she took one of each. She was ten years old. She became very sick and started to throw up and shake. Her mother heard the noise and stumbled upstairs to find the little girl on the floor of her room and the pills next to her. She began to scream at the little girl which made the little girl cry and shake harder. Her mother locked the little girl in her bedroom and gave her a pan to throw up in. She piled blankets on her and brought her glasses of water. She called the school and informed them that the little girl would be out of school for several days due to the flu. The little girl did get better in about a week, but when she did she was punished for eating her mothers candy. Another time her mother was convinced the little girl had snuck her cigarettes. She didnt realize the little girl couldnt stand the smell of them. They gave her headaches. She made the little girl sit down and smoke three packs then dragged her by her hair and threw her outside to sit all night in the cold. One day at school the little girl's principle brought her down to talk to her. There was another lady plus the nurse there. They talked to the little girl about the bruises on her arms and how the little girl always flinched when someone touched her back or head. How the little girl had no friends and didnt talk to other children. They told the little girl they could help her if she needed help. She thanked them and went back to class.
That night the phone rang. She picked up the phone to hear a mans voice. She said hello and the man said Shannon? The little girl said yes? The man replied with This is your daddy! The little girl was shocked and said hi. The man on the phone proceeded to tell her she had a new baby brother named christopher. The little girl said oh. Her mother heard the girl talking on the phone and demanded to know who she was talking to. The little girl replied "Daddy". Her mother snatched the phone and hung it up. Grabbing the little girl by her hair dragged her over to the floor and pushed her down. She gave her a pencil and paper and told her to write five hundred times that her father was dead. The little girl was afraid so did as her mother told her to. Upon finishing her task her mother told her to rip up the papers into tiny bits. She did this. When she was finished with that her mother then told her to say that Rob was her father. The little girl hated Rob. She shook her head no. Her mother stood up and smacked the little girl sendign her into a table. She repeated her order. The little girl still said no. Her mother smacked the little girl repeatedly demanding she say what she wanted her to. Finally her mother told the little girl to go up to her room that her father would deal with her when she came home. The little girl walked up the stairs slowly because everything was spinning. When she got to her room she left the door open so she could see as she had no light. Her lights had been taken away along time ago as punishment. She didnt want to sit there in the dark. Her mother heard her and came upstairs and closed her door, pushing a chair under the door knob so the little girl couldnt open it. The little girl curled up in the dark and waited. She talked to herself and told her self stories in order to not be afraid. She brought out her pretend side where she was a super hero and could fly away from here. She didnt know how long she was there but when the door turned she knew what was coming. Rob came in with a lamp and told her to get undressed. The little girl who was now 11 did as she was told and stood before him naked. He took off his belt and told her to walk around him in a circle. He proceeded to hit her with the belt as she did as she was told crieing as it hit her. This lasted for about an hour. After it was done the little girl decided she was going to run away.
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