At the first
kiss I felt something melt inside me that hurt in an exquisite way. All my
longings, all my dreams and sweet anguish, All the secrets that slept deep
within me came awake, Everything was transformed and enchanted, everything made
sense.”
― Hermann Hesse
― Hermann Hesse
“Your first kiss.” When
one hears, or reads, these three simple words time becomes a paradox as you are
brought back, once more, to that fleeting moment when the hands of time stood
still, while innocence vied with maturity, hormones, emotions and changing
bodies as weapons of mass destruction in the journey towards adulthood. Lee Martin expresses these delicate emotions
and the fragile changing landscape that can only be described as puberty within
his memoir “Never Thirteen,” a magical retelling of his path towards manhood
with that one single moment, his first kiss, brought into focus.
When the story opens we
are introduced to Beth, Martin’s first love. The year is 1969 and he is about
to graduate 8th grade.
Everything to Martin seems magical with the onset of the summer
season. Life at that moment could not
get to be more perfect, or ideal. He has
his first girlfriend who has taught him to hold hands, and to do so in two
different manners: fingers twined, or hands joined. He is dating a Varsity Cheerleader, while he
himself is a Varsity Basketball player.
They are “in love,” and have been since mid-winter, as Martin explains
to use throughout the development of his introduction. He also reveals in his introduction the
oncoming change… “In a few weeks my mother and father and I will move back to
southern Illinois for good, my mother retiring after thirty-eight years of
teaching, the last six in Oak Forest.
But now I’m not thinking about any of that because Beth has asked me to
walk her home-at least partway, she says.
At least as far as Yankee Woods, she says. At Least as far as that. That is, she says, if I want to. Do I want to?
Boy, Howdy!” (Never Thirteen, pg. 175) Life though ideal, holds a future
of uncertainty but as they are thirteen all that is of importance is this
moment… this instance where they are together and their love blossoms.
What is fascinating
about the short story and how Martin develops the characters is the similarity
to Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet.” You know within Romeo and Juliet, they are a young couple in the throes of
adolescent love, refusing to acknowledge the reality that surrounds them. Though Martin does not develop the
traditional tragic ending for his Memoir as one finds within Shakespeare’s well
known romantic tragedy. There is no
horrifying joint suicide, nor deaths due to families squabbling over political
power and wealth. What one does find
that is common are the themes of innocence lost, growth, and the magic of
romantic love.
Shakespeare through his
words in Act 2 shows Romeo’s entrancement with the young but beautiful Juliet “O blessed, blessed night! I am
afeard, being in night, all this is but a dream, too flattering sweet to be
substantial.”(Romeo and Juliet, Act 2, Scene 2)
Martin shows a similar innocence with his creative use of imagery,
allowing the reader to step back with him, remembering the feeling of
uncertainty and how it would feel to let your partner down, in this case the
sweet Beth. He recalls all the nights he
has practiced in preparation for this very moment… kissing his hand, his
pillow, the mirror, even going so far as to ask his mother, who is an older
woman, to give him a kiss. He worries
about his nose… “What about my nose?” I say to Beth. “Where do I put my nose?” (Never Thirteen,
pg. 177) All these concerns and worries are put aside, including the fright
that he will become old and unused within life in the same manner his parents
are.
“And it happens. The next thing I know we’re kissing, and
unlike the time when my mother kissed me and I came away wonder what the big
deal was, I’m fairly well loose-kneed with the absolute thrill of Beth’s lips
on mine.” (Never Thirteen, pg. 177) The magic occurs and time has stood still…
In that moment a change occurs, he is no longer simply a child entering
puberty, now as he looks around the world takes on a brighter sheen, a
sparkle. The rest of the story evolves
as Martin evolves, becoming more aware of himself as a youth on the cusp of
manhood, discovering his sexuality and love.
As with Romeo and Juliet, our
star-crossed lovers are determined to be with each other forever and eternity,
even though fate is a fickle creature herself.
That one moment within the forest, where he kissed Beth, Martin was able
to realize all he has been missing in his life growing up. No longer did the abuse he received from his
father matter, or the lack of love and affection from his introvert elder mother
affect him as much. He now understood
love. He had held love within his own
two hands and felt its soft brush upon his own lips. As he said his goodbyes to Beth, that fateful
summer day Martin would never forget what she gave to him. “Suddenly I’m holding Beth as tightly as I
can. I close my eyes and rock her. Neither of us speaks. This moment is more profound and heartfelt
than anything we’ve said to each other since we knew I would soon be moving
away. We have no words for what we feel,
only our bodies pressing together, and, though I have no idea what it means to
love a woman, I’ve never felt as close to anyone as I do in this moment. I imagine now that every embrace I’ve ever
wanted from my father, my mother, myself, is contained in this hug I’m giving
Beth.”(Never Thirteen, pg. 183)
It would be due to his now changing
inner self, Martin would discover his parent’s relationship to be more
complicated then he realized. Up till
that point he had simply looked up on their marriage through the eyes of a
child, though it may be equivalent to a tragedy itself, there was caring and
trust between the two of them. As he
stood there reflecting back upon Beth and that first kiss, he was to realizes
being an adult is far more complicated, and perhaps he is not quite ready to
give up his innocence. Thought it is
Beth who introduced him to love, it is his parents’ private companionship and
caring for each other behind closed doors that help him realize the man he
wishes to become. “I listen to their
dance, and I think about Beth and the way we clung to each other behind the
woodpile. Suddenly, in the presence of
my parents’ gentle and selfless choreography, my future opens, and it terrifies
me with its broad expanse of time, its uncertain possibilities. I step into my adult life, wondering how long
I’ll need to live, how much I’ll need to loose, to learn to love like this.”
(Never Thirteen, pg. 185)
References:
Shakespeare, W. (199). Act 2, Scene
2. In The tragedy of Romeo and Juliet. Champaign, Ill.: Project
Gutenberg.
Perl, S., & Schwartz, M. (2006).
Never Thirteen - Martin, Lee. In Writing true: The art and craft of creative
nonfiction (Second ed., p. 390). Boston: Houghton Mifflin.
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