Who for art thou, Shannon?

College has always been a goal that was important to me, even as a small child.  I believe I first encountered the idea of college and furthering my education when I was six and living within a foster family in the Town of Rosendale.  Both my foster parents at that time were Educators within the NYS School System.  Both helped me to gain a love for reading and learning, of which stayed with me even as I was placed back with my biological mother.  In truth, returning to live with my mother made me only more determined to gain a College education.  This became my star… my hope for escape.  I knew that if I gained my education I could one day become more than what I was surrounded by: poverty, depression, abuse and addictions. 

I continued with my love for reading even as I re-entered the NYS Foster Care System at age 11.  Bouncing around the system I did not have the most stable nor dedicated environment that induces learning in a child, and yet I sought solace in my books.  I would graduate and gain that degree.  I would become somebody.  These were the goals of a child, placed in circumstances beyond her control; not the goals of an adult having to deal with life and what becomes of choices one has to make in order to survive. 

Not only was I dealing with the horrors of my upbringing, but I was an Epileptic and I had been diagnosed with ADHD.  As the years rolled and tumbled by it became more difficult to reach out and obtain that goal I had originally set for myself.  The idea of a classroom environment was something I feared.  Questions would go through my head of how others would look at me if I was to have a seizure in the classroom; which would in turn set the stage for depression and anxiety to take control of my mental state. 

This is not to say I did not ever attempt college, for I had twice.  The first time was right after my older daughter was born.  I attended Hudson Valley Community College with the idea of beginning there and transferring on to SUNY Albany.  Unfortunately, my Epilepsy kicked in and my seizures became active, making it so that I was unable to attend classes on a frequent enough basis.  My GPA plummeted and I had to drop out. 

I would make my second attempt at gaining my degree when I was 32.  I enrolled as a full time student in the Paralegal Program at Schenectady County Community College, SCCC for short.  I was actually doing quite well until my second semester.  I was taking Intro to Algebra, and the professor I had for that course seemed to not be happy about teaching the course.  I have always known I have a math disability, what that disability was I did not know or understand until this past year.  According to the doctors, the part of my brain that has been damaged by seizures was the area that retains math.  I would sit in the classroom and learn, taking extensive notes; only to have forgotten everything I learned minutes later.  When it came time for Mid-term Review with my Professor, she stated to me “You would be better off dropping out of College.  You will never graduate.”

To be frank, this professor’s words haunted me.  It would take me another 9 years before I could find the strength and the courage within myself to in order to make the third and final attempt.  It was a friend who pointed the way towards SUNY ESC; and made note that I could take courses online, in the safety of my apartment, thereby relieving the fear of seizures in public.  I am now holding stead a GPA above a 3.5 and I am in my second year here at ESC.  My goals have not changed from when I began college back in 1993; to obtain my degree in Creative Writing and History.  Only now I hope to be able to use the degree and knowledge I obtain through my studies to help teach others online at a college level.