To Write or Not To Write - Wait What Was the Question?

Sitting here, staring out the window in my living room, I find myself with about 6-7 different thoughts flooding my brain, and yet none have to do with the topic at hand.

“I really should go to the grocery before it rains.”

“Hmm, I wonder if all the school districts had off today. Maybe I should call my daughter and check to see if she had off.”

“Oh, did I remember to feed the cat?”

“Look its lunch time. Do I want to order something or just make a salad?”

All these thoughts running through my head and yet I kept having to remind myself to focus. For me this is my own personal version of writer’s block. It’s not something that happens on an occasional happenstance, but rather one I am working to learn to overcome; to stay focused and on target, rather than becoming distracted. Some days it is more difficult than others, but that is what ADHD is like.

As far as where to begin, this is a bit more difficult for me. I find, quite often, the ending to be the hardest for me, due to the fact that I am never sure if I am ready for what I am writing to end. Research papers are the worst, as I have to maintain word count and length of paper. Being told to cut a paper down to size is horrible to me… “You mean you wish me to murder my child? Do you not know this is a piece of my soul and now you wish me to mutilate it? You are asking me to rip apart my very being!” Yes… yes… being a bit overly dramatic there. Standing applause is now acceptable, and yet the feelings behind the words are apt. The writings never simply words. The research and hours poured figuring out how to express my thoughts upon a subject in order to maintain an academic integrity, but to also creatively get across my ideals, how it cannot be difficult.

My fears come not from the writing itself, but rather from the rejection of my peers and those I hold in respect above me. The writing is more of a sanctuary for me. A place I have always been able to retreat, no matter what foster home I was placed in, or what life threw at me this year, month, day or hour. To share… to have the strength and courage in order to be brave enough to share without retreating into a panic attack. Aye… there’s the rub.